My ideal.

Today I woke up and compared myself to every other female I could see. I looked in the mirror and despite the fact I have come so far with positive body image and loving myself, It wasn't what I wanted. I am 5'11 and I have a large build, aside from the fact I'm fat.

This means a couple of things. My ideal weight I am told ranges from the late 160's/early 170's to the late 180's/early 190's. Which means I will be at my ideal weight sooner then if I stood at 5'2. It means I carry my weight a heck of a lot easier than if I was 5'2. However, I will never be petite. I'll never be a little thing. On my good days I am more than okay with that. On the good days I like my height and I am thankful for it and the curves on my body. On my not so good days I want to be the same size as the females next to me on the ellipticals at the gym. I want to be little. Short or petite or both.

I went to the gym anyway today. I'm glad I did. Sometimes my mind goes in places I hate in comparing myself to other girls. Inherently I know and believe though that not only is that wrong, it's futile. If you compare yourself to someone else, you will ALWAYS fall short. Your not them and you can never be them. If you compare yourself to yourself, how can you lose? Your the only one of you to compare yourself to. I want to be the best possible version of myself. Not of anyone else. Me.

So on that note, It is the Saturday weekly weigh-in tomorrow. I'm hoping for anything in the 240's. I have tried pretty hard this week, I have gone to the gym everyday, mindfully ate and I'm hoping that reflects on the scale.