A little back story

I moved back from another province back to British Columbia and my hometown in February 2011. I went from living with a roommate (my best friend whom I love) to coming back into my parents house. I had lived up North in Alberta and had a great time and then my best friend and I moved to a major city in southern Alberta. I only lived in Calgary for one month.

In that one month so many things were impressed upon me. The fact that courses I had never taken in high school would prevent me from entering a science degree, the path that I wanted to take. That at my heaviest weight I was dramatically unhealthy and that was my life. I had learned to live that way. I had excepted the fact I would always be the fat friend, fat girlfriend, fat daughter, fat sister. I learned to live three steps ahead. I told myself and everyone else that I was confident. I made choices in dating and eating and exercise and so much more that were made because I didn't value myself, love myself. Because I didn't treat MYSELF the way I need to be treated.

One day by myself in the City I had a thought, and a little spark. The thought was that I could move home and work for these things. I could complete all these high school courses I had so diligently avoided. I could lose weight. I could learn to love myself, authentically and truly. I could change.
I don't think I fully believed it was possible.

The little flicker of a spark was the hope that maybe I could. I believed it enough that I moved home. My parents were generous enough to let me live in their home and let me work on all of this. I came home and I didn't know how to do it, I just knew that I wanted it. So I closed my eyes and stumbled toward something I wasn't even sure was there. I knew if at any point in the beginning I stopped to really think it through I would get overwhelmed and give up. I focused on each step and didn't think about the mountain I was climbing. Gradually the spark grew and turned into a flame. I feel now as if I have a blaze in my chest for what I want.

I have learned a lot. None of it was easy. All of it was worth it. I have so much more to learn. With about 65lbs to go and five courses to complete, I almost feel as if I can see the peak of the mountain. Sometimes I can't. Everyday I have to believe it's there though and that I am moving toward it.